You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
