apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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