just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
