i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
