woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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