Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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