i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They took my balls.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
