you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
