Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
