She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
did i just pee glitter
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
