So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
