so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
