guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
