You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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