i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
