Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
