My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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