She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
