So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
