How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
