Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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