apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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