you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
