Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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