Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
