she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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