just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
