his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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