I just saw a hot homeless man
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
