i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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