Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
