Are we in a gay sports bar?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
