I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
