It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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