Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
