there's paper in my vomit.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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