I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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