I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
