the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Terrible idea I love it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
