My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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