I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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