so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
