Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
