There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
