did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
