we made out on top of his cat.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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