I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
