Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
did i just pee glitter
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
