we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
