That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
