Need sex. Gaining weight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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