capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
