Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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