the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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